It’s really simple.
Fight For It
30 Tuesday Sep 2014
Posted in Life's Lessons, Love
Category Archives: Life’s Lessons
Honesty … How Important Is it??!
26 Friday Sep 2014
Posted in Life's Lessons
Tags
disrespectful, honest, honest is the best policy, honesty, lies, lying, relationships, respect, respectful, truth
We all hear it but do we really believe it … “Honesty is the best policy.” Is it?!? Come on, who believes it? Better yet, who lives by those words??
I happen to be someone that believes it is the only policy because nothing can break down a relationship faster than knowing you’ve been lied to. Be it a personal relationship, one with a friend, family member, or even that with a work colleague. If we can’t be truthful then we have to ask ourselves “why?” … and that is often the reason why we lie – we don’t want to (or know how to) be honest with ourselves.
Finding that clarity within ourselves is tough. It takes looking at our past history (which is often not without blemishes) and dissecting what motivated or challenged us to make the choices we did. It’s often hard to swallow the real truth about why we did what we did – or why we said what we said – or how come we acted as we acted. But, it’s not only essential to your growth, I think it’s critical to the relationships around you. And … I’ll say this even though it’s the obvious – it’s completely disrespectful if you’re not honest. You do not own the decisions of other people – you only own your own personal decisions — so by lying, you are assuming that you know what the other person wants or needs (and that, my friend, is definitely not true).
Does the truth hurt sometimes? Yep, absolutely. … Could some people get mad by knowing the depth of your truths? Oh for sure! … Would they be justified? Probably in a good few cases, yes. … Could they walk away? Yes, that’s a real risk. … But would the people that value the truth (about them or about you) appreciate the opportunity to make the decision themselves based on the information provided — I think that answer is yes. A lot of people want to grow and learn from other people, their experiences and feedback. If the truth reveals something about yourself that isn’t flattering, then you have the option of ignoring it or doing something about it. Quite frankly, I prefer the latter. I will always take the feedback and look to see if I can improve myself – regardless what the feedback is or who is providing it. I mean, it’s at least worth a peak just in case it’s valid, no?
I figure we’re all grown adults and we all wake up everyday to find our happiness. If what makes you happy isn’t what will make another person happy – lying to them about it does no one any good. IMHO you can’t be fully happy if you’re denying yourself and others the truth … and the other person is not happy because they are not living with the actual truth, so their world around them isn’t 100% real. So it’s a good case for being honest.
Allow others to decide if your truth matches up with theirs. If it doesn’t, then most likely it’s not the end of the world. Maybe they can live with it. Maybe they can be patient if you are working on improving yourself. Maybe they have the same view as you but are equally as scared to be honest!! If the worst case is that the relationship comes to an end … then dare I say it wasn’t meant to be in the beginning.
So be bold (and an adult) and first get clear on what is your truth – and then don’t be afraid to tell others. You might have to say it with kindness, or with a glass of whiskey & coke, but say it just the same.
Whatever is Good for the Soul. Do That.
10 Wednesday Sep 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love
Tags
choices, coffee, complicated, contentment, friendship, happiness, heart, husband, intentions, journey, living your best life, mind, mirror, path, simple, soul, strength, voice
This blog post is dedicated to a friend who asked me for advice on goal setting and living with intentions. We recently met up for coffee after a long while without much contact. You know how true friendships go – the authentic ones never go away, even when you live in different countries and sometimes struggle to find yourself. So we picked up almost exactly where we left off – minus a husband or two and a decade of change.
This friend has always been an inspiration to me. She’s charismatic. VERY outgoing. Has an amazing laugh – so amazing! Lights up a room when she walks in. A really down to earth mom. And a damn cool chic. I’ve always been in awe of her. And we’ve always been on the same wave length when it comes to living our best life. But … we’ve both been human so sometimes we find it tough to know which is the right path to take when faced with walking away.
Given that we’re a lot older than we were way back then, I believe it’s even more critical to listen to our intuition (yes, we all have one) and remind ourselves what we want. Not what someone else wants. Not what “should” be best. Not what will save someone else pain, or bring someone else joy. Nope. At this juncture – we need to think deeply about how we show up in life and who gets to join us for the journey.
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
It’s not easy to set goals for ourselves when others around us (those who love us and whom we might even love back) want something different from what we know to be true. We question our own desires. We fail to recognize our own strengths. We worry we might be wrong – – – and they might be right. But in all honesty, that’s impossible.
If we wake up every day and listen to what our body, mind and soul tells us, then we’ll be on the right path (for us, mind you … not for anyone else, but isn’t that the point?). But we have to listen. And we have to be strong. And we have to take the time needed to really feel what brings us joy – – – and what feels like too great of a compromise. Rushing to get on with the day only forces us to listen to outside reasoning, instead of the inside voice of contentment. Overthinking is incredibly dangerous. Life is not that complicated. We complicate it by overthinking what we already know but are too scared to listen to. Staying in something for the sake of someone else’s happiness only leads to sadness.
Setting goals can be intricate and detailed and take up lots of time to write, describe and consider how you will accomplish them. But … they can also be simple. You can literally just wake up and listen to you own voice. And if you listen to that voice for a moment, or a day, and then a week and a month .. it gets easier. Much easier.
Because when it comes time for coffee, and you’re faced with everything the other person wants you to be, you best be sure that you are the expert and know without a shadow of a doubt what will bring you joy. Thinking anyone else knows better than you – well, that just leads to a decade later and a rehearsal that you wished you missed.
—-
Wishing you nothing but the strength that I know you have at coffee tomorrow. Your words were so consistent and your voice so strong the other day. Listen to your own voice and make the decision right for you.
Whatever directtion you take though, know this … I will always be there as your friend and mirror. Months, decades, countries and changes in our paths will make no difference on how I hold you as a friend and how much I will support you in whatever you need.
The Downfall of High Expectations
29 Friday Aug 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons
At one of my very first “career” jobs after college I had the good fortune to join a large, reputable organization and work in their head office. It felt like quite a prestigious opportunity. My boss was the head of finance but my position worked more closely with the IT department, so I physically sat by, and with, the IT team. Finance wasn’t far away, but it was down the hall and in a section much more conducive to team bonding and collaboration. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed my job and it was a great challenge for me. [Fast forward 20 years and it was a hell of a position that, through time, led me to my extremely diverse years of experience …. that I wouldn’t change for the world.]
Not sure if it was my first day or 40th, but the IT manager, with whom I worked with the most and from whom I learned how to do my job, told me that I had to work 50 hours a week just for my 40 hour a week paycheck. While I thought it was maybe a little odd at the time, I accepted the challenge. [I think I get that work ethic from my dad.] Now, I’m not saying that was the right message or lesson, and nor am I actually saying it’s the wrong one, but for sure it made an impression for this 20-something freshly minted college graduate — and it has stayed with me over all of these years.
As I was going about my steep learning curve I had one amazing mentor – my predecessor, Jackie (Jack I call her). I had the pleasure of learning from her, not only my job, but so many life lessons. I’ve credited her once already in my blog posts as the person that got me interested in running. She is also the person that inspired me to pick up a tennis racket for the first time in my mid-20s and enjoy trying new things. She also taught me how to drink red wine, and … that you can be sophisticated and worldly even if you live in Edmonton, Alberta.
So as we were going about our transition there was one time where congratulations were in order for something I/we accomplished. I brushed it off and pretty much discredited the achievement pointing to the long list of other accomplishments that were not yet complete. Some time period later (days, months … I can’t recall), when a similar situation came up and I once again discounted the accomplishment, Jack advised me of something very interesting about my behaviour and the level of expectations I set for myself. She told me that I wasn’t able to enjoy the accomplishments that I have achieved because somewhere along the way, once I realized that I was going to achieve them, I set the bar higher and established a new level of expectations. And when I was close to reaching that new goal, then I didn’t celebrate but instead yet again, added more onto the expectation spectrum. Jack told me that I still needed to celebrate those wins, regardless of the next expectation level set, otherwise I would never get to truly enjoy the fruits of my labour.
While Jack’s lesson {and well described reasoning} has always stayed with me over the years, dare I admit that I’ve not always been able to live by it. Oh it’s not because of lack of effort or unwillingness to want to enjoy that feeling of accomplishment, I think it is because I’m sort of hard wired that way and the change is just really, really hard (to the point sometimes of impossible).
Over the years I have confused this pattern of consistently raising the bar for “being stubborn”. I’m sure I am stubborn – no doubt – but sometimes it’s just not about that … sometimes it is truly my inability to accept a level that is deemed below what I wanted to accomplish. Even though at one point, that previous level was the bar.
This “feature” [as my old friend Jeanmaire liked to call it] has crossed into my personal life over the years in addition to my work life. Yeah, you can imagine how well that has gone sometimes … Not. But alas, sometimes we are helpless to the way in which we operate and one day you look back and realize what has happened – and you are in serious shock because you know better. Isn’t hindsight always 20/20.
I am not actually sure that my “feature” is a bad thing if I’m perfectly honest. I don’t see anything wrong in setting higher expectations once you know you’re going to reach a goal. Humans do it all the time in a variety of formats, so I’m really no different. The only difference is that sometimes my inability to enjoy my accomplishments does rob me of a layer of happiness and contentment that I bet would feel really amazing.
I believe that every person on the planet can change, if they want to. The degree to which they can depends on a million circumstances of course, but time and time again people have proven that the past does not always equal the future. And for that I am grateful. We get to see the evolution of personalities, the softness of concern, the increase in enthusiasm and the happiness brought about when there is a fundamental shift that takes place within a person. I know that a true feature of mine is to take a step back from a scenario, see it with a different set of eyes and be able to act/react in way that benefits everyone but costs me barely anything.
Except, perhaps, my own expectations.
I am actually OK, to a large degree, that I have high expectations of myself. [Now remember, its not like I’m the President of the free world or this blog is winning me a Noble Peace Prize – keep in mind my expectations are not that high.] So, I ask … is it really so bad that I set the bar above my head and continually push it higher as as result of my accomplishments? Maybe the world around me is OK with a gentle push?? Maybe I’ll inspire someone to do something they didn’t think they could do?? Maybe I’ll actually learn more and fill up my soul because I pushed just a little farther. Maybe.
Because here is the main point (and yes, I have one). That bar that I set, 20 years ago in Edmonton, that I have continually reset and reset again …. it has led me to exactly this spot where I am now. And now, if nothing else, I can appreciate all that those accomplishments meant to me and my growth — as a professional as well as a human being.
A very wise man once taught me, mediocrity is not an option. And I believed him.
The Footsteps of Superwoman
09 Saturday Aug 2014
Posted in Family, Life's Lessons, Love
Tags
blog, desperation, divorce, exploring, friends, happiness, inspiration, joy, marriage, mom, parent, running, step-daughter, step-mom, step-parent, struggles, superwoman, writing
When I came up with the title of this blog it was because at the time, I was playing the role of step-mom to a beautiful 10 year old girl, and it was the first time in my life that I got to experience being a parent. I quickly discovered a huge appreciation for every parent on the planet and especially those that were doing it alone. I was amazed how important it became for me to drop my work and ensure this girl learned her multiplication, completed her homework, adapted to the nuances of living here, and at the same time, met some new friends and started to experience all the beauty that surrounded us. While it wasn’t easy, because I’m pretty good at being a workaholic, there wasn’t ever any contest — without asking, the girl and her needs always won over (and happily so).
I kept the name of the blog even though by the time I starting writing, my circumstances had changed and (sadly for some reasons, and happily for others) I was faced with simply taking care of me again. With a little time I have learned that there is also something heroic about waking up and trying to figure out what I want. Did you know that it’s actually easier to wake up when you know the routine so perfectly, when you don’t have time to think? Simply wake the girl, prepare the lunch, make sure the girl gets up, do the first email check-in, ensure the homework’s packed, remind the girl we’re late, drive to school, be the friendly parent and say hello to the other busy moms and dads, hurry home, begin the day. With the absence of that purpose, it’s been WAY harder each morning — because now the purpose is me — and it has been a very long while since anyone took care of that girl.
“They say” the leading cause of divorce these days is marriage. Although I don’t know why, I do believe the statistic. 🙂 Something just seems to change when marriage is involved. Kids can play a big role, but even without children, many men and women loose themselves and struggle desperately to find their way back.
And then once we do separate and think, oh thank God I’m free from “that!”, we struggle to know who we are and what we want — and we spend oodles amounts of time and energy pushing away anything that looks remotely close to what we had in our past.
Right now I want to have it all. I want to be all of my many personalities and be all the ways that my heart tells me to be when I’m quiet enough to listen to it. I don’t want a box – certainly not the one that I’ve had before … but I do want some of the pieces that were in the box. Is it possible? Of course it is … but it takes courage and relentless forward motion. Let’s hope I have both.
Because today I saw that little girl that inspired me to name this blog (amongst many other things that I’m sure will be the subject of future writings), and for those few hours, I was reminded what a real superwoman looks like. And that piece exists within me — that I know for sure, and it brings me joy when I think about it and her. And I don’t want it to go away.
Tomorrow I get to be runner girl and wake up at 5:30 am to share a beautiful and challenging trail with some women I’m lucky to call my friends. I’ve desperately missed that, and them, and I always want to have this as my number one choice for a Saturday morning.
And then tomorrow night I’ll be just a girl out on the town with my best friend. I’ll wash the hours of sweat from my face and dirt from my toes and wear high heels or boots (cause it is San Francisco in the summer after all) and no one will know by looking at me the other sides that exist or that I started my day in a pair of trail shoes.
And the best part will be Sunday, when I get to be explorer girl and do something new with someone I am excited to get to know. Even though he’s only ready to see a few sides of me — that’s okay. We are all on our own path and the only thing important is to enjoy the path that we are on in that one moment.
Why can’t we be all of THAT in a marriage?
And if I thought I was on the wrong track, then the text from Alaska out of the blue as I started to write this blog, reminded me that I am not.
“and btw: your inner superwoman is right in front of you — there are a few occasions where she’s following YOUR footsteps”.
Wow. How can I not celebrate all of those pieces that make up the reason why I started this blog in the first place.
Helping with the school book report … Priceless.
The Art of Being Alone
01 Friday Aug 2014
Posted in Life's Lessons
Tags
alone, concerts, crown and coke, dierks bentley, dining, friends, friendship, movies, running, shoreline, wine
At lunch today I had a conversation with someone that does a lot of traveling. He’s fortunate that he’s built his career and life so that his work can blend seamlessly into his personal life. And the crossover appears to be something that works. Not everyone can combine work and play. And not everyone wants to, that’s for sure.
But during our conversation the topic of traveling came up. And you see, I’m not a big traveler. My excuse has been that I haven’t gone somewhere — with someone — or experienced that one moment where I caught “the bug”. At least, not yet. When my friend asked why I didn’t travel (sorry Rob, classifying you as a friend already!) simply put, I told him that it’s probably because I haven’t really been asked much by friends, family or significant others. [Not to say no one has ever asked, or that I haven’t traveled, because they have, and I have … but generally speaking, I don’t travel much] He asked why I didn’t travel alone then, and I didn’t have an answer. Huh … I guess I really could. Maybe I should. Yep, that is something I should consider. Probably something I should not just consider but actually do, because thinking about it will get me no where.
And then it got me thinking even more. I DO do things alone and by myself. I started out running by myself – lord knows how many miles I’ve logged with just my thoughts (yep, especially those days before the walkman turned iPod). But since I discovered a running group, truth be told, I log most of my miles with friends, and sometimes even strangers – thanks Mauve. Especially the double digit runs, for which I might die of boredom otherwise. But I now prefer running with friends over running with myself nine times out of 10. Could be because I’m actually that boring (don’t say it, because I am considering that very thought as I write!).
But wait – there is more! I have eaten many a meals, especially while traveling for work, by myself. I actually quite enjoy this – probably because I like the opportunity it brings to meet people. The world is a blank canvas when I walk into a restaurant alone and it’s sort of a challenge to discover who will sit at the bar stool beside me. So while I’m dining alone, I’m actually looking for entertainment and an experience. Maybe it doesn’t count?!?
I go to movies alone. This is a good one … Because someone once told me, or I read it (eeks, it might have been an Anthony Robbins book, like 20 years ago), that going to a movie by yourself was empowering. That is probably why I went. I wanted to feel empowered as a fresh out of school young woman looking for my way in the world. I still go to movies by myself, and they are enjoyable. But movies are sort of a solo thing anyway, right? You can’t talk throughout the movie. If you’re with someone you like, then you can hold hands. If you’re with a really great girlfriend you can sneak in a bottle of wine and sit in the back row and at least smile to yourself knowing that you’re having a moment with a bestie that no one else in theatre will ever know about. Except for the cleaning crew when they discover the wine bottle as they clean up. And if you’re with someone from Alaska, well, then that’s definitely one of the best ways to enjoy a movie without saying a thing. #best.movie.experience.ever
Tonight I went to a concert by myself. I’ve done it before. Saw the Dixie Chicks one year when I was home to visit my family. Totally awesome concert but have to admit – a little different being there by yourself. And of course I would run into someone I knew!! And you should have seen the look on their face when they asked “so who are you with?”. ha ha. But it didn’t stop me. I went again a few years back to Miranda Lambert by myself. Really wanted my Alaska friend to join me, but alas he was out of town. Again, enjoyable, but it felt like something was missing. And lastly, tonight, as I said, I went yet again by myself.
— Okay at this point, you might be wondering WHY am I going to so many concerts by myself. Good question! You see, the main reason is because I love country music and as it turns out, not many (like none) of my friends share in my enjoyment. So it has gotten to the point where I don’t ask anyone to go with me. I simply buy a ticket if I want to go, because I think that going with someone who doesn’t enjoy the music, might actually be worse than going to a concert by yourself.
But back to my story. Shoreline had over 21,000 fans tonight that came out to see Dierks Bentley. Now that’s an interesting number. 21,000 people that live in the Bay Area that LOVE country music (men, women, old, young, HOT, not so hot at all, drunk, sober), you get the picture … but yet not one of those 21,000 people were one of my friends. Why couldn’t just one be my best friend, no forget that, even just a casual acquaintance that I met randomly at a restaurant bar out for dinner one night – that I learned we shared a love for country music and that is the extent of our friendship – we go to concerts together! BUT … Nope! Not even someone like that.
It might sound like I’m complaining, or feeling sorry for myself, but I’m actually not. I just learned that while one can love something a lot, I think in a lot of cases, it’s just way more enjoyable to do it with someone who can enjoy it with you.
My one exception is drinking. And writing a blog. While drinking is super fun with friends (jumping fences, skinny dipping, wine tastings – I should stop right there), right now I’m enjoying tremendously my Crown and Coke as I sit outside my apartment and write this blog. Life is perfect in this moment, even if just one hour ago I felt alone in an amphitheatre with 21,000 people that all shared one of my favorite things to do.
So maybe it’s not about just the things that you love, but knowing the things you love to do with someone, and the things that you love to do without them.
Giving Without Expectations
17 Tuesday Jun 2014
Posted in Business, Inspiration, Life's Lessons
Growing up my Dad always taught me and my sister that you have to give without expecting anything in return. And over the years we got to see many examples of my parents giving and being kind without the expectation of something back. Sometimes it was really hard to witness their giving because people didn’t return the kindness, but regardless my Dad always made it clear what the rules were around giving.
So where does generosity come from? Are we naturally born with it and it’s just in our DNA? Is it a learned behavior? Perhaps something that we do out of necessity after conducting ourselves in an opposite fashion?
I believe that it can, and is, all of the above. And to be honest, I’m not sure it matters how we learn to be kind, but more important is the fact that we DO learn to be kind (and we put it into practice).
There are a lot of nice people out there … the world is full of nice people. But it is a little less often that I meet someone who is truly generous and who is giving in a significant way … Never mind those that employ the “give without expectations” rule. But lately I’ve begun to work with a group of people where this sense of enormous giving is leading them in business and in life, and it’s so exciting to be around. And these are people that are not just doing it every once in awhile … but who are seriously walking around every day providing generosity to others (without the slightest expectation of something in return).
When I was talking with someone today about it – someone who was demonstrating this enormous giving, I asked if it was a Pay it Forward model and he said “Oh no, it’s bigger than that”. Bigger than Pay it Forward I thought?!? Really?
He said it’s about selflessness and generosity in a way that is beyond just the Pay it Forward model. What he said is that we have to “give without expecting anything in return … and if you can help, then you should”.
That’s a pretty big statement don’t you think – If you can help, then you should. How many people do you know like that? How many give for the sake of giving and who care about helping the larger community, with only the hope that others will be selfless and do the same? Probably a lot less than the people who you come across that portray the opposite behaviors.
I have met a lot of people who wish for a lot of things and feel they have received the short end of the stick in life … and a lot of non-believers that the Universe really can provide that which we need and deserve. And while I of course am only one person with a theory (and a Dad who taught me an important lesson at an early age) I say why not try it?! Why not try to give selflessly … give generously … give without expecting anything in return … and if you find yourself in a situation where you can help – give because you should. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
I would venture to say that more good will come out of it than bad.
P.S. Thanks to the person who inspired this blog post today – he reminded me of the lesson that my Dad instilled in me many years ago – and a lesson I’m proud to say I have implemented throughout my life and will continue to do so without any signs of slowing down.
Pity Party Anyone?
08 Sunday Jun 2014
Posted in Life's Lessons, Love
con-fi-dence – noun
a) feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances
b) faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
It’s amazing how much a single act by someone else can literally make us question our-entire-existence. Has this ever happened to you, or am I the only one? How something that someone does, says or acts dramatically affects the belief we have in ourselves and makes us lose faith in people doing the right thing (and let’s be honest – sometimes in general human kindness!).
Why is it that a small act from someone else can bring us crashing down even if we are at the highest of highs? And the reverse is true when someone pleasantly surprises us – our spirits can be lifted and we feel that we can accomplish anything. But how can we learn to not let outside behaviors bring us so far down, or for that matter, give us the false sense of being too high?
don’t worry, I’ll get to the pity party part shortly … keep reading …
“Experts” say that we can “take control of our lives” and live beyond the naysayers or the negative feelings by doing things like “know your principles and live by them” or “set a small goal and achieve it”. And there is no denying that these types of things will help us believe in ourselves. But what if we actually DO believe in ourselves … and do all the things the “experts” say. What then?
Well, sometimes we have to remember that a hurtful act is just simply that …. sometimes done so you feel pain and sometimes done to make the other person feel better without any intention of making you feel bad. In most cases people are reacting to pain that they themselves feel.
But one thing that I find is often missing in these scenarios is understanding the other person, and understanding their pain (even if you disagree with it or wish it wasn’t the case). Communication, along with listening skills and patience, can go a long way to make the situation better for everyone. Now, sometimes those first conversations may not go the way you want or hope – but with a little time and understanding from both sides – you can get to a good (or if nothing else) neutral place.
That’s why we now have “mediators” for couples divorcing … often if two people can calm their emotions down and talk through things, both sides can walk away without the permanent scars (not to mention looking and acting poorly).
I can’t say that I’m perfect on this subject – there are times when I myself am pretty relentless on a topic – but I can say with con-fi-dence that when I am being relentless, I always regret it and wish that a conversation could be had again as a “do-over”. I mean come on – they give mulligans in golf – I think they should be applied to life in general as well, right?
So – if someone hurts you deeply (regardless if it is a surprise or expected), try to reach out and talk with them about it. And if you end up hurting someone else and regret it, be the bigger person and do the right thing – say you’re sorry if you need to, but open up about why you were hurt in the beginning.
All of this isn’t to say that feeling rejection doesn’t suck-out-loud! …. so it’s important to let the hurt feel like hurt … throw yourself a pity party and do what you need to do to honor the cord struck and any mistakes you made as part of the story. But then, get over it. Don’t let it affect you at the core and take away your confidence that exists. Separate the two and move on.
And for a good Pity Party, some recommended items to bring include: a bottle of wine or whiskey, or honestly whatever is available within reach (let’s be honest it shouldn’t be the bottle you’re saving for a celebration), your favorite music (an award show is really the best in my opinion because there is a set beginning and end time period) — upbeat or melancholy is really the party thrower’s preference, an evening without roommates or family members (best to not have witnesses), your favorite salty or sweet snack — add those all together and give yourself a few hours max before you turn off the disco ball and call it a night. These are one-time parties – try to get in the habit of only one pity party per life disappointment – go instead and find the many other reasons to throw yourself a celebration!
Editor’s Note:
… for the person that I hurt (if that is indeed what happened to make you react as you did) …
Caution: Work in Progress
30 Friday May 2014
Posted in Life's Lessons
So the past few weeks have been filled with immense joy — and at the same time a bit of a heavy heart. Two opposite sides of the spectrum, for two different aspects of my life. Maybe this is what “they” say when they talk about “balance”. Actually I hope it isn’t.
But the two opposite feelings remind me that we are all a Work in Progress. And that life is a series of steps that we have to take in order to reach our destination. Some people have to take more steps than others. Sometimes the steps are steeper and harder for some to climb. And sometimes … one just gets lucky and an elevator appears! Like the employees of WhatsApp – for them, a magic carpet appeared and they now get to miss a few steps that others of us have to take. But good for them! I believe that the world is a better place when more people find happiness within their lives!
Regardless of the journey, we are struggling through the Work in Progress construction zone. Be it professionally, personally, in a job, a marriage, a friendship, or with the inner self. We should not feel guilty for the path we’ve taken – or the way in which we’ve climbed the mountain. Some of us are more graceful than others. Some are sort of on the clumsy side. And the rate in which we progress is really anybody’s guess. What makes a lesson stick so deeply that we modify the path? What happens when we choose a different attitude along the way? What works for one, isn’t the same recipe for others. So we’re left with good ole ‘trial and error’ … and perhaps a few more “I’m sorry” or “I am learning” mentions along the way.
But when things are not going perfectly in one aspect of our lives, we’ve got to remember that we have others to balance it out. Whether we rely on a friend, family member, job or a passion, we would do ourselves a favor if we ditch the guilt and just get on with the progress part.
Because at some point you’ll reach a certain destination and you’ll look back at the journey and realize that each and every step contributed in some way. You can smile at the moments that made you proud, and simply shrug your shoulders for the lackluster performances.
So enjoy each step. The easy ones – the hard ones – the steep ones – and the less than graceful ones. And never give up on that which you most desire.
Finding Superman
16 Friday May 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love
Tags
charming, fairytales, faith, faith hill, happiness, love, nashville, real housewives, scandal, selfless, superman, superwoman, the bachelor
As I am searching for my inner Superwoman I have to admit – I am also on the lookout for what every superhero desires … an equally talented Superman. And just like my inner Superwoman is still evolving, I believe the Superman that I am looking for is becoming clearer with every experience that I have (be it good or bad).
For years I ignored the voice inside that guides us – the one that makes you question your decisions and challenges your direction. The one that tells you “it’s time to move on” when you clearly know that you’re heading down a wrong path but continue anyway because it’s easy — or it’s expected — or because you can’t seem to see any other possible path and that scares you stiff, so you just stay still. So I understand why I’m struggling to know exactly what my Superman looks like when I’m still (re)defining me.
There is a huge (I’ll be honest) part of me that just wants to read the last chapter in the book. Did I find him?? Was it amazing?? How full was the life I led and what legacy did I leave?? But I remind myself that it really isn’t about the end – it’s ALL about the journey. So I try to calm myself down and be present in the moment. Regardless if that moment brings me happiness or I’m struggling to just simply breathe, it has to be about the process. The feelings along the way. The heartache. The dynamic ups. The “feels like bottom” lows. The long path around instead of the straight path through. Right?
I remember that it’s not about knowing the ending … it’s about creating the middle. The part where we are living today. The sometimes exciting, but probably all too often ‘not so much’ mundane, life we live and the story we weave. Because let’s face it – life isn’t like The Bachelor or the Real Housewives or even Scandal or Nashville (which is sometimes really too bad because I would so love a day in the life of Olivia Pope or Juliette Barnes!). We’re just regular Joe’s (and Janes) trying to make our way in this world.
The smart person that lives inside my head (because I really swear there is one), tells me that “this” … what I have right now … it’s the good stuff. Faith Hill released a song many years ago (has it been decades? – ugh, I’m old) titled “The Secret of Life”. It talked about enjoying the little things … a good cup of coffee … getting up early … going to bed late … Monday Night Football (or for us Canadians we all agree it should be Hockey Night in Canada) … a beautiful woman … nothin’ at all. In all seriousness, she’s onto something there!
These are the things that we should really be focusing on … not the last chapter of the book. And if we’re lucky, somewhere along the way, we’ll find that one person – the Superman to your Superwoman – that feels the same way. That connects with you at a level that you thought was impossible. Who gets your jokes. Gets you. Brings out the best in you. Supports you at your worst. Makes you rethink everything because life is about evolution. It’s about progress. Moving forward. Not back. And we would live a long and wide life if we had friends and lovers that helped us expand our mind and forever change the discussions we’re having and the progress we’re making.
That’s what I want. That is all I want. Maybe it’s too big. Maybe it’s too ambiguous. Maybe it’s just perfect. I say, who cares. The single.best.thing.we.can.do.for.our.happiness is to be selfish … say what we want … ask for what we need … redefine daily what makes us happy. And then, be totally, 100%, irrefutably OK if it all changes tomorrow.
Although I know it’s impossible to ask for this, I wish every one of us finds our Superman. Finds our hero. If we’re lucky, we’ll find him again and again because we’ve been honest with ourselves, and the Universe, and we’ve been open to finding him in the most unassuming of places.
So – to my Superman – my Charming – if you’re out there. I’m waiting.
Being Superwoman 