07 Tuesday Oct 2014
Posted in Health & Exercise, Inspiration
Don’t you just love when you’re going through old emails and find something that makes you smile.
For the foodies out there, or those interested in exploring the Bay Area with some intention, take a look at this list. I’ve yet to begin my exploration … but I will soon.
The 38 Essential San Francisco Restaurants, July 2014
10 Wednesday Sep 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love
Tags
choices, coffee, complicated, contentment, friendship, happiness, heart, husband, intentions, journey, living your best life, mind, mirror, path, simple, soul, strength, voice
This blog post is dedicated to a friend who asked me for advice on goal setting and living with intentions. We recently met up for coffee after a long while without much contact. You know how true friendships go – the authentic ones never go away, even when you live in different countries and sometimes struggle to find yourself. So we picked up almost exactly where we left off – minus a husband or two and a decade of change.
This friend has always been an inspiration to me. She’s charismatic. VERY outgoing. Has an amazing laugh – so amazing! Lights up a room when she walks in. A really down to earth mom. And a damn cool chic. I’ve always been in awe of her. And we’ve always been on the same wave length when it comes to living our best life. But … we’ve both been human so sometimes we find it tough to know which is the right path to take when faced with walking away.
Given that we’re a lot older than we were way back then, I believe it’s even more critical to listen to our intuition (yes, we all have one) and remind ourselves what we want. Not what someone else wants. Not what “should” be best. Not what will save someone else pain, or bring someone else joy. Nope. At this juncture – we need to think deeply about how we show up in life and who gets to join us for the journey.
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
It’s not easy to set goals for ourselves when others around us (those who love us and whom we might even love back) want something different from what we know to be true. We question our own desires. We fail to recognize our own strengths. We worry we might be wrong – – – and they might be right. But in all honesty, that’s impossible.
If we wake up every day and listen to what our body, mind and soul tells us, then we’ll be on the right path (for us, mind you … not for anyone else, but isn’t that the point?). But we have to listen. And we have to be strong. And we have to take the time needed to really feel what brings us joy – – – and what feels like too great of a compromise. Rushing to get on with the day only forces us to listen to outside reasoning, instead of the inside voice of contentment. Overthinking is incredibly dangerous. Life is not that complicated. We complicate it by overthinking what we already know but are too scared to listen to. Staying in something for the sake of someone else’s happiness only leads to sadness.
Setting goals can be intricate and detailed and take up lots of time to write, describe and consider how you will accomplish them. But … they can also be simple. You can literally just wake up and listen to you own voice. And if you listen to that voice for a moment, or a day, and then a week and a month .. it gets easier. Much easier.
Because when it comes time for coffee, and you’re faced with everything the other person wants you to be, you best be sure that you are the expert and know without a shadow of a doubt what will bring you joy. Thinking anyone else knows better than you – well, that just leads to a decade later and a rehearsal that you wished you missed.
—-
Wishing you nothing but the strength that I know you have at coffee tomorrow. Your words were so consistent and your voice so strong the other day. Listen to your own voice and make the decision right for you.
Whatever directtion you take though, know this … I will always be there as your friend and mirror. Months, decades, countries and changes in our paths will make no difference on how I hold you as a friend and how much I will support you in whatever you need.
29 Friday Aug 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons
At one of my very first “career” jobs after college I had the good fortune to join a large, reputable organization and work in their head office. It felt like quite a prestigious opportunity. My boss was the head of finance but my position worked more closely with the IT department, so I physically sat by, and with, the IT team. Finance wasn’t far away, but it was down the hall and in a section much more conducive to team bonding and collaboration. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed my job and it was a great challenge for me. [Fast forward 20 years and it was a hell of a position that, through time, led me to my extremely diverse years of experience …. that I wouldn’t change for the world.]
Not sure if it was my first day or 40th, but the IT manager, with whom I worked with the most and from whom I learned how to do my job, told me that I had to work 50 hours a week just for my 40 hour a week paycheck. While I thought it was maybe a little odd at the time, I accepted the challenge. [I think I get that work ethic from my dad.] Now, I’m not saying that was the right message or lesson, and nor am I actually saying it’s the wrong one, but for sure it made an impression for this 20-something freshly minted college graduate — and it has stayed with me over all of these years.
As I was going about my steep learning curve I had one amazing mentor – my predecessor, Jackie (Jack I call her). I had the pleasure of learning from her, not only my job, but so many life lessons. I’ve credited her once already in my blog posts as the person that got me interested in running. She is also the person that inspired me to pick up a tennis racket for the first time in my mid-20s and enjoy trying new things. She also taught me how to drink red wine, and … that you can be sophisticated and worldly even if you live in Edmonton, Alberta.
So as we were going about our transition there was one time where congratulations were in order for something I/we accomplished. I brushed it off and pretty much discredited the achievement pointing to the long list of other accomplishments that were not yet complete. Some time period later (days, months … I can’t recall), when a similar situation came up and I once again discounted the accomplishment, Jack advised me of something very interesting about my behaviour and the level of expectations I set for myself. She told me that I wasn’t able to enjoy the accomplishments that I have achieved because somewhere along the way, once I realized that I was going to achieve them, I set the bar higher and established a new level of expectations. And when I was close to reaching that new goal, then I didn’t celebrate but instead yet again, added more onto the expectation spectrum. Jack told me that I still needed to celebrate those wins, regardless of the next expectation level set, otherwise I would never get to truly enjoy the fruits of my labour.
While Jack’s lesson {and well described reasoning} has always stayed with me over the years, dare I admit that I’ve not always been able to live by it. Oh it’s not because of lack of effort or unwillingness to want to enjoy that feeling of accomplishment, I think it is because I’m sort of hard wired that way and the change is just really, really hard (to the point sometimes of impossible).
Over the years I have confused this pattern of consistently raising the bar for “being stubborn”. I’m sure I am stubborn – no doubt – but sometimes it’s just not about that … sometimes it is truly my inability to accept a level that is deemed below what I wanted to accomplish. Even though at one point, that previous level was the bar.
This “feature” [as my old friend Jeanmaire liked to call it] has crossed into my personal life over the years in addition to my work life. Yeah, you can imagine how well that has gone sometimes … Not. But alas, sometimes we are helpless to the way in which we operate and one day you look back and realize what has happened – and you are in serious shock because you know better. Isn’t hindsight always 20/20.
I am not actually sure that my “feature” is a bad thing if I’m perfectly honest. I don’t see anything wrong in setting higher expectations once you know you’re going to reach a goal. Humans do it all the time in a variety of formats, so I’m really no different. The only difference is that sometimes my inability to enjoy my accomplishments does rob me of a layer of happiness and contentment that I bet would feel really amazing.
I believe that every person on the planet can change, if they want to. The degree to which they can depends on a million circumstances of course, but time and time again people have proven that the past does not always equal the future. And for that I am grateful. We get to see the evolution of personalities, the softness of concern, the increase in enthusiasm and the happiness brought about when there is a fundamental shift that takes place within a person. I know that a true feature of mine is to take a step back from a scenario, see it with a different set of eyes and be able to act/react in way that benefits everyone but costs me barely anything.
Except, perhaps, my own expectations.
I am actually OK, to a large degree, that I have high expectations of myself. [Now remember, its not like I’m the President of the free world or this blog is winning me a Noble Peace Prize – keep in mind my expectations are not that high.] So, I ask … is it really so bad that I set the bar above my head and continually push it higher as as result of my accomplishments? Maybe the world around me is OK with a gentle push?? Maybe I’ll inspire someone to do something they didn’t think they could do?? Maybe I’ll actually learn more and fill up my soul because I pushed just a little farther. Maybe.
Because here is the main point (and yes, I have one). That bar that I set, 20 years ago in Edmonton, that I have continually reset and reset again …. it has led me to exactly this spot where I am now. And now, if nothing else, I can appreciate all that those accomplishments meant to me and my growth — as a professional as well as a human being.
A very wise man once taught me, mediocrity is not an option. And I believed him.
22 Tuesday Jul 2014
Posted in Inspiration
There are so many great ways to describe “community”.
Community could literally be the four square blocks around your home made up of people that share your same Zip Code (or Postal Code if you’re in Canada). And that community could be comprised 100% of people that you don’t know, never mind could rely on in a time of struggle or need.
Another community is your friends. Those that are there when you have good news to share, a complaint to sort through, or somewhere in-between based on the year, the day or let’s be honest, the boss that is making your current job miserable.
Sometimes communities form out of other communities – the group that gets together over a special event, a sport, a book club or perhaps something less common like, let’s say, a psychic reading, where you find some commonalities that make you feel connected.
I think a goal should be to have as many communities as you can in your life – for all kinds of situations and events. I think a variety helps to provide perspective and an outside view which you might not have otherwise been able to see. Dare I say that actually hanging around the same community, all of the time, is not as healthy and certainly does not offer much by way of diversity.
Sometimes it is awesome to bring your one or two community groups together – because like I said, it offers diversity and a change of perspective. But sometimes I think it’s perfectly Ok to keep them somewhat separate if the tastes and talents are not aligned.
Recently I’ve had one community that I’ve re-developed and I am so excited to have the people reintroduced into my life. That community for me is my running community. The group of gals that for the most part meet me at 8am on a Saturday morning, endure my crazy stories while climbing hills and running through the woods (and I endure theirs), and then finish with a cup of coffee before we head out on our own merry way only to see each other again in exactly seven days — at the approximate same time, in the approximate same location, and to essentially repeat the same thing. But guess what. We ALL love it. We all come back. Even if we didn’t quite like the stories. Even if the hills were not nice to us and made us walk funny for days. Even if we felt outside of our comfort zone and pushing limits beyond our personal beliefs.
Now some might say, “Yeah but it’s about the running. You enjoy it because it’s about the running. It’s exercise so it doesn’t matter. Right?” Actually I’d say wrong, and my response would be that the running is actually second behind the community that comprises it.
Regardless what community you have or how it was built, or for what reason it exists … if it’s something that feeds you and lifts you up – I say it’s something you should be thankful for and remember is there for you when the world seems a little upside down. Or right side up! Celebrate with your community as much as you rely on it for support.
Thank you to the community around me. Not the apartment complex where I live where my direct neighbor won’t even say hello to me as we pass in the hallway. But the community that joins together to discuss a book that we all committed to reading (just because someone suggested it was a good idea). Or the friend that is outside my gym at 6am with a smile on her face and enthusiasm beyond my understanding to spend the next hour with me. And the family that I know, no matter what, is the best community that I will ever have.
If you’re stuck and can’t determine how or where to build your community, follow this one rule: Find people that make you not want to look at your phone. That’s a good starting point.
17 Tuesday Jun 2014
Posted in Business, Inspiration, Life's Lessons
Growing up my Dad always taught me and my sister that you have to give without expecting anything in return. And over the years we got to see many examples of my parents giving and being kind without the expectation of something back. Sometimes it was really hard to witness their giving because people didn’t return the kindness, but regardless my Dad always made it clear what the rules were around giving.
So where does generosity come from? Are we naturally born with it and it’s just in our DNA? Is it a learned behavior? Perhaps something that we do out of necessity after conducting ourselves in an opposite fashion?
I believe that it can, and is, all of the above. And to be honest, I’m not sure it matters how we learn to be kind, but more important is the fact that we DO learn to be kind (and we put it into practice).
There are a lot of nice people out there … the world is full of nice people. But it is a little less often that I meet someone who is truly generous and who is giving in a significant way … Never mind those that employ the “give without expectations” rule. But lately I’ve begun to work with a group of people where this sense of enormous giving is leading them in business and in life, and it’s so exciting to be around. And these are people that are not just doing it every once in awhile … but who are seriously walking around every day providing generosity to others (without the slightest expectation of something in return).
When I was talking with someone today about it – someone who was demonstrating this enormous giving, I asked if it was a Pay it Forward model and he said “Oh no, it’s bigger than that”. Bigger than Pay it Forward I thought?!? Really?
He said it’s about selflessness and generosity in a way that is beyond just the Pay it Forward model. What he said is that we have to “give without expecting anything in return … and if you can help, then you should”.
That’s a pretty big statement don’t you think – If you can help, then you should. How many people do you know like that? How many give for the sake of giving and who care about helping the larger community, with only the hope that others will be selfless and do the same? Probably a lot less than the people who you come across that portray the opposite behaviors.
I have met a lot of people who wish for a lot of things and feel they have received the short end of the stick in life … and a lot of non-believers that the Universe really can provide that which we need and deserve. And while I of course am only one person with a theory (and a Dad who taught me an important lesson at an early age) I say why not try it?! Why not try to give selflessly … give generously … give without expecting anything in return … and if you find yourself in a situation where you can help – give because you should. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
I would venture to say that more good will come out of it than bad.
P.S. Thanks to the person who inspired this blog post today – he reminded me of the lesson that my Dad instilled in me many years ago – and a lesson I’m proud to say I have implemented throughout my life and will continue to do so without any signs of slowing down.
16 Friday May 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons, Love
Tags
charming, fairytales, faith, faith hill, happiness, love, nashville, real housewives, scandal, selfless, superman, superwoman, the bachelor
As I am searching for my inner Superwoman I have to admit – I am also on the lookout for what every superhero desires … an equally talented Superman. And just like my inner Superwoman is still evolving, I believe the Superman that I am looking for is becoming clearer with every experience that I have (be it good or bad).
For years I ignored the voice inside that guides us – the one that makes you question your decisions and challenges your direction. The one that tells you “it’s time to move on” when you clearly know that you’re heading down a wrong path but continue anyway because it’s easy — or it’s expected — or because you can’t seem to see any other possible path and that scares you stiff, so you just stay still. So I understand why I’m struggling to know exactly what my Superman looks like when I’m still (re)defining me.
There is a huge (I’ll be honest) part of me that just wants to read the last chapter in the book. Did I find him?? Was it amazing?? How full was the life I led and what legacy did I leave?? But I remind myself that it really isn’t about the end – it’s ALL about the journey. So I try to calm myself down and be present in the moment. Regardless if that moment brings me happiness or I’m struggling to just simply breathe, it has to be about the process. The feelings along the way. The heartache. The dynamic ups. The “feels like bottom” lows. The long path around instead of the straight path through. Right?
I remember that it’s not about knowing the ending … it’s about creating the middle. The part where we are living today. The sometimes exciting, but probably all too often ‘not so much’ mundane, life we live and the story we weave. Because let’s face it – life isn’t like The Bachelor or the Real Housewives or even Scandal or Nashville (which is sometimes really too bad because I would so love a day in the life of Olivia Pope or Juliette Barnes!). We’re just regular Joe’s (and Janes) trying to make our way in this world.
The smart person that lives inside my head (because I really swear there is one), tells me that “this” … what I have right now … it’s the good stuff. Faith Hill released a song many years ago (has it been decades? – ugh, I’m old) titled “The Secret of Life”. It talked about enjoying the little things … a good cup of coffee … getting up early … going to bed late … Monday Night Football (or for us Canadians we all agree it should be Hockey Night in Canada) … a beautiful woman … nothin’ at all. In all seriousness, she’s onto something there!
These are the things that we should really be focusing on … not the last chapter of the book. And if we’re lucky, somewhere along the way, we’ll find that one person – the Superman to your Superwoman – that feels the same way. That connects with you at a level that you thought was impossible. Who gets your jokes. Gets you. Brings out the best in you. Supports you at your worst. Makes you rethink everything because life is about evolution. It’s about progress. Moving forward. Not back. And we would live a long and wide life if we had friends and lovers that helped us expand our mind and forever change the discussions we’re having and the progress we’re making.
That’s what I want. That is all I want. Maybe it’s too big. Maybe it’s too ambiguous. Maybe it’s just perfect. I say, who cares. The single.best.thing.we.can.do.for.our.happiness is to be selfish … say what we want … ask for what we need … redefine daily what makes us happy. And then, be totally, 100%, irrefutably OK if it all changes tomorrow.
Although I know it’s impossible to ask for this, I wish every one of us finds our Superman. Finds our hero. If we’re lucky, we’ll find him again and again because we’ve been honest with ourselves, and the Universe, and we’ve been open to finding him in the most unassuming of places.
So – to my Superman – my Charming – if you’re out there. I’m waiting.
02 Friday May 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons
As I am searching for my inner Superwoman I have to admit that it’s sometimes hard to discern “who you are” from “who you were”. As I am meeting new people and getting reacquainted with old friends, there seems to be some confusion – what qualities from my past are still who I am today? I have to be very careful to find the authentic self, not just the opposite of who I’ve been. And certainly not the person that people around me are looking for as a mirror to themselves.
For years I ignored the voice inside that guides us – the one that makes you question your decisions and challenges your direction. The one that tells you “it’s time to move on” when you clearly know that you’re heading down a wrong path — but you continue anyway because it’s easy — or it’s expected — or because you can’t seem to see any other possible path and that scares you stiff, so you just stay still. So, I understand why I’m struggling to know exactly what my inner Superwoman looks like – feels like – is like … This shit isn’t easy, right?!
But I am finding some things that are “super” helpful (pardon the pun, couldn’t resist) … and today I needed the reminder that I’m on the right track and to simply stay the course:
Be YOU
Sounds so simple but when you have spent a lot of years losing track of “you”, it’s so important to reconnect with who you are authentically. So turn off the radio the next time you’re driving. Wake up early and watch the sunrise. Take a glass of wine and enjoy the sunset. Go to the movies by yourself. Begin to write in a journal (or keep track in fun Apps like Evernote or Day One). Write words that define who you are on a few post-it notes and place them around your bathroom, office or home as reminders — we’re only human after all – we are forgetful sometimes!
Do One Thing That Makes You Happy – EVERYDAY
Practice makes perfect. Listen to what makes you happy in every moment of every day … and then follow through. Don’t lose track of the 1,440 minutes that we have in each and every day – and every one of those moments are opportunities to find your happy!
Listen To Your Intuition
We all have intuition. We just all don’t listen to it. Try to ask your inner self for answers to everything and see how you felt when it was the right decision, versus how it felt when it was the wrong decision. You’ll quickly learn which feelings you can trust and which ones you need to toss out with the trash.
Do Something That Scares You
Is there something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t? Go somewhere that you think looks intriguing? Experience something unique just because you can? Stepping outside of your proverbial comfort zone will give you indications of the things that bring you joy. Even better if the thought of it scares the crap out of you! Making it to the other side will bring confidence and you’ll be one step closer to knowing yourself.
Change
You are not a tree. If something isn’t working – change it. The quicker the better.
…
Sometimes we have no idea just how unhappy we are, and it takes what feels like an act of congress to take just one step away from that unhappiness to something that makes us wake up with a smile on our face. Today the song “Wake Me Up’ was on the radio as I drove into work. And I heard two sentences that I didn’t hear before but completely defined my past six years. Sad that we can go so long trying to make things work when in our heart of hearts we know just how truly lost we are.
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
03 Thursday Apr 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Life's Lessons
Tags
a-ha moments, favorite memories, hate, HER the movie, love, purpose, technology, unexpected moments
All things in life have a purpose. Whether or not we’re aware and present in the moment to recognize such purpose is something altogether different, but definitely, everything (and everyone for that matter) has a purpose.
Sometimes understanding the purpose comes at a much later time in our lives, and in the most random of situations. But when it happens, and that connection is made, it’s like one of the best A-ha moments ever! It’s almost like you can breathe in that moment of realization and feel the impact of the newfound knowledge. And what I wanted this post to be was a reminder to be completely open to every experience in front of us, because we just never know when we’ll garner that little gem that might, in some small way, change our lives.
When I saw the movie HER I have to admit .. I didn’t like it. And a few scenes were a little, um, awkward, as I watched it with my (relatively new) roommate. If you’ve seen the movie then you know what I’m talking about. But the fact of the matter is, one day our worlds might be so crazy that we have an even deeper “relationship” with technology. And of course we already have so much connectedness today – with everyone clamoring to “disrupt” how we do everything and being an “entrepreneur” is the job title everyone wants … it’s hard to believe we will get much “closer” in nature. Sometimes technology is awesome – amazing – educating — and inspiring. And sometimes it’s just too much.
However … yesterday, I have to say I was really, really happy to have a connectedness with technology. Well, truth be told I guess I was really happy for the person behind the technology that could help me fix the problem I was having with my technology (laptop). And from that, for all intents and purposes, innocuous situation … I found a new purpose and had an amazing experience! Something I never would have had if I didn’t embrace technology and be completely open for the moment to happen.
Life is what happens when we least expect it … and I hope today you encounter that A-ha moment and have an experience to remember.
29 Saturday Mar 2014
Posted in Inspiration
Something happened to me recently that made me decide that when I am rich and famous I am going to be nice to everyone. And I mean every.one.!! And then I gave it some more thought and decided that I shouldn’t wait until I’m rich and famous to be nice to everyone (because let’s be honest, that might not happen) – Instead I’m going to make it something that I do everyday, starting now. So alas … another resolution to add to my year of “living the length AND width of life”!
Where did this idea come from and why am I blogging about it??
Recently I went to an event and there were some famous, wealthy and very accomplished people there. Some were nice, and some quite frankly were not nice at all. And I really don’t like to feel that I don’t have the right job title, or that I’m wearing the right brand, to warrant a little polite or professional courtesy. But what struck me the most was that at the end of the night, someone that I didn’t think would engage in a conversation with me – totally did and made me feel whole again! She was incredibly generous with her time and the way she included me into the crowd made me feel really welcome. And you know, it just made all the difference.
It’s not like I’m not a nice person. (English majors please don’t critique me on that sentence!) I happen to think that I’m pretty nice and along the years I’ve had many people tell me that I’ve made them feel comfortable and welcome and things like that … but I think that taking on “being nice to everyone” will inspire a major shift in my universe and the people around me because it’s going to be something I do everyday, and not just when I’m feeling in a good mood myself. Because here is the reality – when you smile at someone – even if you don’t feel all that happy inside — you can’t help but feel a little happier. Smiling just does that to people!
Try this experiment … the next time you’re walking on a sidewalk or in a mall – make eye contact with the people walking towards you and smile, and then say “hello” … or “good morning”. You’ll be surprised at how good it makes you feel AND in the meantime – you’re making them feel good as well. You could even make a game of it and see how many people reply back (I do this on my runs ALL THE TIME).
I had a dear friend, George, who was about 78 years old when I met him, and George was a very giving person. I’ll talk about him throughout my blog posts but one thing he used to always do was say hello to people that we passed on the street. George would actually add “how are you today” … or “nice to see you” … and for the first few times I thought that George just happened to know these people because the greeting was so friendly! But it turned out that he didn’t – he was just being friendly! And it even made ME feel good because I was walking with him and that heartfelt “hello” made me smile as well.
So I decided that because this woman made me feel so amazing – that I’m going to strive to make others feel that way all the time – whomever it is that I come in contact with … because you never know when you might be able to make someone’s day.
Consider the idea yourself … you never know who you might bring happiness to (and who, in turn, will one day write a blog post about it). <smile>
I look forward to fulfilling on this new promise …
19 Wednesday Mar 2014
Posted in Inspiration, Love
Over the years I’ve made a few (okay, probably truth be told, a lot) of mistakes and I’ve always wondered – do other people make as many mistakes? … as disappointing of mistakes? … do the mistakes keep them up at night and feeling bad? … and who really says “it’s okay – live and learn and move on” and mean it?
Well I think the honest answer is that everyone makes mistakes, right? But the way we process and manage through those mistakes is very different for everyone. And just like with other things in life, some of us are better at accepting mistakes than others. Wasn’t it Oprah that finally felt truly beautiful at 50 and comfortable in her own skin? I’m paraphrasing here but I remember watching her around that time and thinking, My God, do I have to wait that long!!
Although I’m still a few years away from that milestone, it will come quickly I’m sure. So I figure best to learn from those before me that life, while wonderful, is no where near the perfect picture that somehow got etched in our minds. Therefore I’m going to make a pledge to let my life, for the remainder that I have (and God willing it’s awhile), shall be enjoyed to the fullest … and left unedited … Which means I may make mistakes from time to time. Actually, I WILL make mistakes … and time to time might be a little underrepresented but we’ll go with “from time to time” for the sake of argument. Who knows … what I view as a colossal failure may very well be like a rainbow on a rainy day for others, so why fuss with all the worrying?
Of course, I’ll still be mindful of life’s challenges and do my best to make my parents proud, but I think we spend too much time on the past and not enough on the present. And it’s fine time that I put these words into action … SO … I hereby pledge to live all of the moments of my life ahead … fully unedited … for the length, and the width of it.
Being Superwoman 